Things I Almost Texted You Last Night

I feel the thought of you
everywhere.

Love matters, and you love me.
I love you, so let’s just be.
Let’s just see, oh, I love you.
You love me, and love matters.

You are attracted
to my faults
as I am
magnetic to yours,
so there’s no saving
you or me or us
from the madness
of each other.

If I’m wrong about you,
I just have to be wrong.

I made three glasses
of toasts to your memory,
one for every sip,
every gulp,
every dangling drop
from the rim to my lip,
all the spins and twists
of you,
of what this is…
Five…
Seven…
Uh-oh.

Why does the villain
in my chest
keep loving
your poisonous scent?
Because we still have
open business,
things to say to each other,
things to put in
and pull right back out;
a few more times
to undress
and let us
be dangerous.

I like the way wanting you
tingles my lips,
crawls over my skin,
and makes me pull air
through every seam
that is me
barely threaded together.
I feel the thought of you
everywhere.

But you crushed to dust
the boulder of love
I put in your hands.
Why would I gift you
even another speck
of who I am?

I would have to hate myself
to let you back in.

I regret all the places
you touched me
under my skin.

What we could have been…

One day we’ll smile
at each other
again.
One day.
I’m not ready yet.